I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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