Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
