one two three fourrrrnication!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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