I just cut my nipple shaving
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize