She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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