Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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