Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
