some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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