Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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