Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
