if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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