She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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