3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
