Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
