he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
