Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
