i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i was born a porn star she said
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
