they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
