remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
