Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
