I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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