Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
