i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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