I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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