Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
