i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
A bitchslap is in order.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
