If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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