Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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