Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
