I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
