It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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