Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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