also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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