I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
