you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
