And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
