Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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