u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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