just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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