She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
