i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
