you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
