in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
