i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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