Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize