I wanna bring you to show and tell
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
