walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
