Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
