Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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