yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize