Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize