We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fill condoms, not promises.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
