so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you had me at cake vodka
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
