i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
MIDGETS
????
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
