What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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