every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
