every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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