My liver just broke up with me...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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