They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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