Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
