you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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