I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
