You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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