he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
