I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
