She went from zero to smokin in five shots
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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