Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
