So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
