We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize