I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
