I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
