I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
