does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
