Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
