considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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