Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
